


The Last Time I Saw Paris

by dizzy



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-20 12:35:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3650532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris and Darren have been fuckbuddies for four years. They might have a few things to work out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Last Time I Saw Paris

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my faithful word warring partner lovetheblazer, and savvymavvy for beta reading!

This is how it starts: 

Chris isn't expecting it when Darren comes to him a week before Glee is finished filming with a quiet, "Can we talk?" 

He's been expecting a conversation, just not for Darren to be the one instigating it. With the show ending, they can't keep going the way they have been. He holds open the door to his trailer. "Here?" 

Darren looks conflicted briefly before he shrugs. "Why not?" 

It's not the setting Chris had imagined, either. Honestly, he's already feeling a little cheated out of one last fuck. 

But this always had an expiration date, didn't it? They've got a connection no one else can touch, but it's never been about love. It's been about chemistry and compatibility and sometimes anger and often just a sense of being in the same fucked up situation at the same time and no one else getting it. 

Darren's not his best friend or his boyfriend and in a week from now he won't even be his co-star, but Chris will miss him and he knows when he heads home after work today, after this conversation, and he's going to get drunk and maudlin and maybe do some angry writing while he works through it. 

So yeah, better not draw it out." So." 

"So." Darren leans forward, knees loosely apart and hands clasped between them. "How do we do this?" 

"What is there to do?" Chris quietly asks. "We just say goodbye, don't we?" 

Darren stares at him. "Do we have to?" 

"What?" Chris doesn't trust any conclusion his mind leaps to right now. 

"Do we have to say goodbye? I mean, this is - sorry, I'm about to like, monologue at you, just tap out if you need a pee break or something, but I have been thinking about this all week long." He takes a breath. Chris can't remember the last time he saw Darren this genuinely nervous about anything. "I don't want this to be over. We've both just kind of been coasting it, haven't we? We never set any standards. There haven't been any rules. And that worked, I guess, but now we're at a turning point. At first I was just... I was ready to roll with it. But last week I was going through my phone and I just..." 

Darren pulls his phone out of his pocket and starts thumbing through. 

"You what?" Chris asks. 

Darren hands him the phone. "Look, dude. Look how many pictures of you there are. I just... I didn't even realize, you know?" 

"Realize what?" 

"I think I'm in love with you." Darren stares at him. "Or, fuck, I don't know. I think I could be, if nothing else." 

Chris's heart is pounding. "Are you - this isn't a joke, is it?" 

"No. No, it's not. It's crazy, I know, but - I'm serious." 

"What do you... what do you even want from this? What do you expect to happen?" Chris shakes his head. "This would never work. This - this is just-" 

"Crazy, I know," Darren repeats. "And what do I expect? I don't even know that, either. I just know that the idea of letting this whole roller coaster ride end without trying was driving me nuts. So, look. I do have a little bit of a plan. I didn't come here totally empty handed." 

"Yeah?" Chris asks, breath catching. His gut tells him this is too much to even attempt but his heart wants to hear more. He wants to be convinced. 

"I'm going to Paris in a couple weeks. You come with me. We've never had a real vacation together." 

"What, last time doesn't count?" Chris asks dryly. 

Their last time in Paris - furtive sex and an argument that left them not talking for two weeks. They never technically even made up, they just both opted for never bringing it up again. 

"No, I want to do it right this time. Get a hotel, some time together. Just us. And if it isn't gelling... if we're in a room for week alone and we fight or we just, we just fucking don't have anything to talk about, then okay. We'll know we tried. I'll know we tried." 

"I'll do that," Chris says. It seems like... not too much to commit to. "When?" 

Darren tells him the dates and Chris groans. 

"I - I told my family I'd take them on a vacation, Hannah wanted the, the beach-" 

"Oh." Darren's face falls. "Okay, that's a problem. I've got a thing in New York the week after, though..." 

"Shit." Chris looks at Darren and he's stunned by how much Darren seems to want this. "Maybe I can... join you after the beach? It wouldn't be a week, but..." 

"I'll take what I can get. And, hey, you sure she wouldn't like Paris more?" Darren urges, reaching out and grabbing Chris's hand. They've never really held hands outside of character before, save the times Chris laced his fingers through Darren while he fucked him into the mattress. But this isn't like that at all. 

"Maybe she will," Chris says. 

He totally understands what's happening when Darren leans in to kiss him, and it's not like it's even remotely their first kiss... not even their hundredth... but it feels brand new all the same. 

*

The cab drops Chris off at the edge of a driveway but he still has to walk a distance to the hotel, awkwardly dragging his wheeled suitcase over the gravel behind him. The air smells fresh and he can hear ducks in the distance. There's probably a pond. This looks like the kind of place with a pond. 

This is not a place he'd ever choose to stay at himself. It's nothing like the one he just came from. This place is tucked away a half hour's drive from the heart of the city. 

When he walks into the small lobby there's soft music playing and in the corner a man and a woman with shiny rings both keep touching, laughing and blushing over their wine. Chris stares at them for a moment, then averts his eyes to give an illusion of privacy. 

(He's not sure if it's for their benefit or his own.)

The girl behind the counter has a carefully constructed expression of pleasant greeting when she gives him the key and tells him the room number. 

*

They have sex first. 

Darren has some reservations, but it's been close to a month since they've had real time alone together and Chris... well, Chris is going to delay the emotions and the overthinking until he's had Darren under him once or twice. 

But after the sex he's tired and Darren, Darren's always tired, so they nap. And when they wake up from the nap they're both hungry, so next comes food. But once the food is there, they sit across from each other at the small dining table in their suite and the awkwardness is unavoidable. 

"So." Chris pokes at his salad. "The hotel is nice. It's more modern than I expected from the outside." 

"They have some rustic rooms but I picked this suite, I thought it seemed more you." 

"It's nice. Yeah." Chris goes quiet again, trying to think of something else to say. 

Darren kicks him under the table. "Don't be like that." 

"Like what?" Chris asks. 

"You look like you're already deciding this isn't working." Darren leans back. "Unless you really don't want to be here. You're not under any obligation, really." 

"I know I'm not," Chris says, heart pounding a little at the idea that he might be fucking this up already. "I want to be here. I'm just... I don't know how to do this." 

Darren shrugs. "It's pretty easy. Just tell me what's on your mind. Be honest." 

"Okay." Chris takes a moment to gather his thoughts. "What you said last week... I agree, okay? I was... upset at the idea of all of this being over. I didn't want it to end." 

"You never said." 

"And I wasn't planning on it." 

Darren nods. "Okay. But why not?" 

"Because..." Chris shrugs. "It seemed too complicated. It seemed - I don't know. Like too much to hope for." 

"Yeah, I get that. But I'm glad we were on the same page." 

"I wasn't pining," Chris warns him. "Don't think I was pining." 

Darren laughs. "I would never accuse you of such." 

"But you are in my life. You have been, even when I didn't want you to be." Chris looks at him. "I've been sleeping with you for longer than I've ever been in a relationship. And part of the reason none of those relationships worked is because I realized I liked sleeping with you better than I liked being in any those relationships." 

"You know how fucked up my situation is," Darren says. "I don't have to explain it, do I?" 

"I'd really rather you not." 

"But I'm working on it. Baby steps, but I'm getting there." Darren's smile shows his frustration with that. 

"I'm not going to press you for anything yet," Chris says. "Because it wouldn't matter anyway, we're about to be in different countries for an extended period of time. But you know I do eventually want a relationship I can be public about." 

"You know I can be pretty bad about just riding the status quo for as long as I can." It is something Chris knows, but he's never heard Darren say it quite so openly. "I hope I get my life straightened out before it comes to this, but if I don't - I want you to tell me to get my ass in gear because you're done waiting when the time comes." 

"I will," Chris reassures him. "Oh, I will. You know I'm not going to settle for status quo at all." 

"Yeah." Darren gives him a fond smile. "You already keep me on my toes." 

*

The suite has an upstairs and a downstairs, a bedroom and an office above with a kitchen and dining area and a small living room below. 

They’re informed that it’s only a short walk to restaurants nearby, but neither of them want to go through the hassle. The room service menu is extensive and Darren’s pull impressive enough that they can have things from town brought in to them if they want. 

“That’s hot,” Chris says, listening to Darren order their breakfast in French the next morning. He’s naked, sprawled out with no hint of modesty. 

Darren’s already changed in just the weeks between the last time and now. His stomach is flatter, the faint hint of abs teasing. 

Chris crawls across the bed on his knees and bends to lick them. Darren’s stomach contracts as he sucks in a breath and then raises an eyebrow down at Chris. 

Chris sits up and cups the back of Darren’s neck, leaning in to whisper, “I’m hungry now.” before kneeling back down and taking Darren into his mouth. 

*

"I did some reading while I was waiting on you yesterday," Darren says. 

They're in a bath facing each other, legs taking up too much space between them. The water's going tepid fast and it's a little uncomfortable but the sentiment of the moment is enough to make Chris pretend he's enjoying it at least for a few more minutes. 

"Oh?" 

"Yeah, I thought you might dig the trivia." Darren grins, tucking his toes under Chris's ass. Chris squirms and does the same. It's so absurdly... fun. "So there's this cherry, the Montmorency cherry." 

"Oh, like where we're staying?" 

"Yeah. And they grow it, get this, they actually grow it in Michigan, too! Proving once again that Michigan only produces the best.”

"Of course they do." Chris laughs, letting his head rest against the curved porcelain of the rub as he takes in Darren's smug expression, like Darren had something to do with growing fruit himself. "So did it originate from here?" 

"No, actually, it was in like, the Black Sea or something. The Romans first found it." 

"Isn't it weird to think of whoever was first to decide something was edible?" Chris asks. "How did they pick who tested to see if it was poison first? Did they draw straws or something?" 

"Or maybe there was just one unfortunate shit whose job was try the unidentified stuff," Darren suggests. 

"Kind of makes our jobs seem not so bad." 

"I don't know..." Darren's voice turns dubious. "Did you see that Gaga outfit they had me in?" 

"Oh, please." Chris rolls his eyes. "A wig, tight clothes, glitter, and heels? You're voluntarily signing up for worse." 

Darren laughs. "Touche."

*

They order a dessert and ask for extra cherries. Darren tries to eat them off of Chris, but Chris ends up laughing so hard they roll right off of him and stain the bedding when he accidentally smashes it with his elbow. 

It's ridiculous, and then suddenly when Chris is licking the tart taste out of Darren's mouth, it's not ridiculous at all. 

*

On their second day there, they sit on the private terrace and watch the sunset. They're dressed for the first time that day. Chris insisted on the clothes, because he wanted to talk. 

So again, they talk. 

"I'm not going to change my life for you," Chris says. "I'm not going to change my life for anyone." 

Darren answers with a simple, "I know. I wouldn't want you to." 

"That means we may end up apart more than we're together." 

"Phones. Skype. Airplanes." 

"I also have no interest in living on an airplane. Some of us can't just close our eyes and nap for four hours." Chris glares a little. "I am not saying you have to come to me every time, but probably most of the time." 

"So I'll come to you most of the time." Darren shrugs. "I have so much going on in LA that even if I decide to stay in New York I'll be out there a couple times a month anyway." 

That gives Chris pause. "You're considering staying there?" 

"Maybe," Darren admits. "It depends on the work situation." 

"I like New York." Chris leaves it at that. 

"I'd like to see you in New York." Darren looks at him. "I think you'd like it there." 

"Maybe," Chris says. "I've only ever been for about a week at a time. But my publishers are there. I do a lot of book press there." 

"Stay with me when you do?" Darren asks. "Instead of a hotel." 

"Okay," Chris agrees. "But even if I do, we'll see each other... not that often." 

"Look, why don't we just get through this one week at a time?" Darren suggests. "And if there's ever a week where it ends and you're not happy with it, we'll re-evaluate." 

"Or you," Chris says. Darren gives him a confused look. "Or if you're not happy with it. You have to tell me if you're not happy, that's like rule number one. Because I do know you. You won't tell people when something isn't working, you'll just try and distract yourself out of thinking about it. You think you're covering when you do that, but everyone can tell." 

"Ouch." But Darren doesn't try to argue it. "Okay. Deal." 

"Good." Chris finishes his drink and stands up. "Now come fuck me." 

Darren scrambles out of his seat. 

* 

They only actually have sex a couple of times a day. On day three they don't have sex at all until close to midnight pushing day four. 

It turns out they can find other ways to fill their time. Chris has heard all the popular stories as Darren reeled them out on set for anyone new that came along, but he gets to hear the rest now. He hears about the dark moments, the doubting ones, the fears, the embarrassing and unflattering stories. 

He holds Darren close with Darren's head on his shoulder and his fingers sunk into Darren's hair and it feels like more intimate than any time they've ever been naked together. 

Chris is not so good at sharing. He holds back a lot but he lets a few key pieces of the puzzle that is himself go, trusting Darren to realize that there will be more - it just takes time for him. 

*

On day five, they both devote an hour to the real world. It's the first time in almost a week Chris has booted his laptop up. He answers only the most urgent emails, calls only the couple of people he has to to confirm his upcoming costume plans, and then makes it back downstairs with twenty minutes to spare. 

Darren is still on the phone, leaning against the terrace railing. Chris doesn't want to listen in, but Darren hasn't closed the door entirely, so he must not care. 

Chris is halfway to a nice nap when Darren walks back in. He doesn't open his eyes until he feels the weird prickle of someone in his personal bubble and then looks to find Darren kneeling beside him. 

"You finished early." 

"Mhm." Chris reaches up to rub his palm against the bristle of Darren's cheek. It's in that phase where it's decidedly past stubble but not quite an impressive beard yet. "I did." 

Darren turns and kisses his palm, a soothing press after the irritation of the facial hair. "I was afraid I'd lose you to writing or something. Figured you were missing it." 

"Nah." Chris stretches out until his back pops satisfyingly. "Not writing has been a relief." 

Darren laughs. "My illusion of your dedication is shattered." 

"I don't know any writers who love writing," Chris says. "We just love having written." 

"That sounds like a quote." 

"It is," Chris says. "I stole it." 

"From?" 

"Hell if I know. The internet." 

"I'm not sure why I expected anything different." Darren leans down and kisses him. "I'm gonna cook for you tomorrow."

"Yeah?" Chris asks. 

"Yeah. We have a whole kitchen here we haven't touched except to reheat leftovers." Darren glances toward the kitchen. It's not huge but it does have everything they'd need to cook. "But I need to get stuff too. You want to go to the store with me?" 

"Nope." Chris yawns. His eyes feel heavy again. "Get something chocolate for dessert." 

Darren kisses him again. "I'll be back soon," he says, and leaves Chris to nap. 

*

Chris only wakes up long enough for Darren to urge him into bed upstairs. At some point through the night his eyes open and he's overwhelmed with how comfortable and satiated he is. Every bit of himself feels relaxed and free of tension in a way he hasn't been in years. It's like his body is catching on days too late that this is a vacation, an actual one.

He looks over at Darren beside him, sleeping on his stomach with his hands folded under his head. Chris almost wakes him, wanting sex, wanting the touch he's come to crave, though still can't quite comprehend how he's allowed to ask for it freely. 

There were no strings before. They were what they were: unpredictable and irreverent with each other. Chris doesn't actually wish it had been any different. There's no sense of missed time. The show would have ruined them. 

He understands why Darren wants this now, though. They're out from under that shadow and maybe this seed they're planting might actually take root. 

He gets up and walks downstairs, using the bathroom there. Drawing the curtain back he sees that it's still dark. 

If he stays downstairs long enough Darren will probably come find him. It might be fun to take advantage of the night and the privacy, to get a little naughty with the soft breeze on their skin outside. But the bed he just walked away from was awfully warm and inviting. 

He goes back to bed instead. 

*

Darren cooks for him their last night there. "I wanted to try and do something awesome like make a recipe my mom used to make cook when I was a kid, but that cute little French grocery store turned out strangely lacking in Asian inspired ingredients..." 

"This'll do," Chris says, or tries to around a mouth full of perfectly moist, seasoned chicken and pasta. "It's amazing. I hate you, of course you can cook. You can do everything well." 

"I suck at paying bills, if that makes you feel better?" Darren says. "I've literally never paid my own phone bill, my Mom took care of it the whole time I was in college. Rent, too. Because when they tried to let me I'd just get distracted and forget, or spend the money on booze and pot and brownies and pot brownies."

"You walking cliche." 

"But I'm your cliche." Darren grins and over the top goofy on purpose grin. 

"Yeah, yeah. Write it into a song and serenade me later."

"Oh, I am. That's gonna happen. It's a fact of dating me. Songs will be written." 

"Okay, Taylor Swift." Chris points his fork. "Just make sure I'm never identifiable." 

"So the ode to ridiculous internet meme cats and Diet Coke is out?" 

"I will not only dump you, I will murder you." 

"So it's out then." Darren nods. "Gotcha. But you could just write me into a book as retribution." 

"Who says I haven't?" 

"Seriously?" 

Chris shrugs. "You actually read the books?" 

"Yeah," Darren tries to say. Then he laughs. "No. I always meant to." 

"It's okay," Chris says. "I haven't listened to your album, _oh wait_ , that's right, you don't have one." 

"Low blow, Colfer!" 

Chris smirks. "It's because of how I blow that you won't stay mad." 

"... touche." 

Darren provides the promised chocolate for dessert, something too rich and slightly goopy that they eat with their fingers, giving each other heavy looks that leads inevitably to the sheets. 

* 

They don't get out of bed until Chris has to go. 

"Not even gonna shower?" Darren asks. 

Chris shakes his head. He's clinging to a little bit of ridiculous sentiment, but the idea of walking away with every touch of Darren's hands and lips and body on him still intact holds some kind of deep-rooted appeal. "I'll go straight to the hotel when I get into London." 

“So.” Darren’s quiet for a moment. “It’s a yeah, then? Experiment successful?” 

“No,” Chris says, just to see Darren’s reaction. It’s so genuinely terrified that he immediately feels bad. “I mean, yes, it was. But no, because now… I don’t want to leave you.”

Darren laughs and rolls over, pleasant weight pinning Chris down. “Addicted to the D. Happens to the best of them.” 

Chris wraps his arms around Darren, who is radiating warmth through the t-shirt he put on just to walk Chris out - which needs to happen. Soon, Chris tells himself. He’ll only stay a few more minutes. Wouldn’t want to miss that flight, after all. 

(Except that right now he really does want to.) 

“I was thinking,” Darren says. “I may see how long I can hang around LA before they need me back in New York.” 

“Really?” They’ve already discussed when Chris is going back. 

“Yeah.” Darren just leaves it at that, which is okay. If it doesn’t work, Chris gets it, and he won’t be heartbroken. But the idea that Darren is thinking along the same lines, that Darren is still the one willing to speak up and say it first, it’s reassuring. 

"Call me later?" Darren asks. "If you can?" 

"Yeah. If I can." Chris knows even as he says it that he will. 

Right now, it'll be easy. Right now, no matter how much history is between them, this is still new and - yeah, easy. 

In a month or two, it may be easier to go a day or a stretch of days without hearing Darren's voice. But Chris hopes it won't be like that. 

He wants to make this work. 

*

Darren kisses him goodbye in front of the elevator. "Hey..." He grabs both of Chris's hands and swings them between them. "Not a bad way to start, right?" 

Chris smiles. "Not a bad way at all."

**Author's Note:**

> [Reblog on tumblr.](http://alittledizzy.tumblr.com/post/115086221005/the-last-time-i-saw-paris-chris-darren-rated-m)


End file.
